Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
