She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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