I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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