My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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