Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Randomize
