She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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