How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
