Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
