how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
