Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
