She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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