What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
