every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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