Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
