I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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