i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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