it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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