When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
