my room smells like sperm. sweet.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
