I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
