im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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