I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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