I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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