question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
