just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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