Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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