you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
