Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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