he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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