were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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