Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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