my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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