So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
