I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize