I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
