you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
