thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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