Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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