he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
