I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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