I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
