So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
