I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
