I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
