i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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