mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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