the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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