I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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