I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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