its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
