Small penises have feelings too.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
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I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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