no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
