Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
