The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
