Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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