I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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