I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
