I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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