what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
