just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
