I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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