how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
